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355/366: shine


so much has happen within my virtual absence, i'm sure everyone agrees.
2012 was like a bullet train to me, yet every moment was appreciated to the fullest.
moments of joy, tears, slack, work.


i'll be moving 2 times in the next 2 weeks, one just nearby, and the other abroad.
i'm so excited for new beginnings but in the same time, i will always cherish everything in the past.
there's so many photos to be screened, and stories/events/testimonies to be blogged about..

when 2013 finally arrives, may i have time for all those!


x
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288/366: maybe


maybe it's finally time to not run away from this blog.
maybe it's fine that i deleted 170 blogs from my google reader recently, just because i need a time out.
and somehow because i feel that if the blogs i used to subscribe to really matter, i'll remember their link.... or to google their link, and i would subscribe to them again when i restart.
maybe it's okay to feel hurt from the way things are, and how some friends are. maybe it's true that we don't wake up everyday to please everyone.
maybe it's fine for me to mention here that i'm really blessed, and grateful to God at the end of each day, no matter what happens.
maybe it's completely normal to want to have less of an online presence.
and maybe, in the process of all the maybe's, and more maybe's: that maybe, once upon a time what my English primary teacher told me is true:

that maybe actually means 70% yes.

x
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251/366: CFmakan

Went back to my high school's CF makan. It's an annual event, the last CF meeting of the year.

Was blessed to be able to share a short testimony on how I was transformed from an incredibly shy and fearful girl, to someone brave enough to stand and speak in public; on how the blood, sweat and tears shed while I served was worth it; and how I considered lives changed a complete joy; all this I thank God because it happened during my 3 years in CF. I closed off with a simple hope, that one day each one of them would leave high school with a testimony that God has changed their lives, small or big.

Paul then shared a message on Fulfilling dreams and hopes. It was so funny, he's an engaging speaker. And I'm just so blessed to learn from him :')

Eating, catching up with juniors/seniors/teacher: YAY!
Clearing up after it all: boo :P

-

Bathed, walked my dog.

Been able to chat with some people as I messaged them to help Like a picture for a contest on Facebook........ catching up is nice.

I'm walking down memory lane :'3

x
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247/366: grateful

I spent quarters of the morning hours, contemplating, lashing my frustration/thoughts to my parents... whether or not to participate in an upcoming piano competition.

Until I heard the sound of the postmen's motorcycle engine, my heart was confident that mail was for me: and indeed it was.

My piano exam' results. Here. Now. Then. Wow.

My fingers quickly yet gently tore the seal open, and as I took out a thin pile of papers, surely it was divine that the first thing I read, was my result score in an upside down mode. The folded score sheet is thinner than the usual paper, hence see-through.


My heart skipped.

112.


........ Really, seriously, I got 112...?

For those who have no clue, for ABRSM piano practical exams: 100 is the passing mark. 120 marks merit, and 130 is the minimum for the ultimate beautiful distinction.


Months ago I set my goal to obtain distinction. Through this short period of 5 months from March to July (in fact just 4 + 1/2 months as I was abroad for 2 weeks, absent from piano practice).......... I was level headed in the beginning. Then I was distracted. This and that. After returning to Malaysia I began to run again. Time was running out. Big time.


Blood, technically. Sweat, literally. Tears, yeah.
Cash, out. Time, gone.


Having Asian parents, deep down I know that they are contented, but maybe not satisfied enough. I couldn't take it, but now I understood that hey, they probably know me better. And yeah they do.

Given less, or even zero procrastination, tiredness, and laziness; Given more time, discipline, and passion: I would have achieved my goal.


But during the crucial final week I realize I would gladly accept a pass. Truth be told, I wasn't good enough. Really, no joke.

The big "confirmation" came when I fumbled during the exam. During my first exam piece I had to restart as I failed to move on when my fingers stopped halfway through the first piece all a sudden. I blanked out. I couldn't continue. After the restart.... guess what? Same place. Same mistake. But I had to go on. I couldn't restart again. Too much to even ask the examiner.

Hence after skipping a few bars, I moved on. I won't go into detail regarding the other sections, but the main highlight was that after not sitting exams for close to 5 years (where before that I actually took exams consecutively for 6 years)......... the whole examination experience was so strange to me.
Cold fingers. Fast heartbeats. Over-caring of what the examiner is doing (major mistake).


Noooooooooooo.


I cried after the exam. Don't call me weak, it was just natural to.


But to wrap everything up right now, I'm so grateful. To God, for assuring me that I've passed since that moment itself. I actually dreamt of vaguely receiving my results (maybe failing), and when I actually heard more stories of my friends who failed their Grade 8's, I freaked.

Nothing matters now.
Not what I played, not the money spent, not the time invested, not the time wasted, not the worries....

But just a bucket of thankfulness to God, my wonderful supporting family, amazing supporting friends, and definitely not forgetting: my most current teacher (which I only started lessons with this March), who is also the best teacher I had so far.

It was a bitter sweet journey, I'll treasure it for the rest of my life.
Exams are so overrated especially in Asian countries, but maybe when we do it for the right reasons (a goal to achieve, a ground to stretch us, a platform to discover where we stand)........ then maybe, just maybe: Exams could be just a blessing to us.

Sorry for this immensely long, draggy post.
Hope it doesn't comes off as anything displeasing/negative.

x

(picture soon, heh)
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242/366: 12345

Just finished writing this down. Planning to read 1 fresh book per week until end of the year. Ironically if we count Dec 31st-Jan 6th as the last week, then I would have read 19 books which would be my age then! Hehe.

Funny how as I grow up I read more non-fictional books. But also less time and passion to read compared to years ago, sadface. Anyhow, why 1 book per week....?

As the title is 12345, I'm here to share what I've been planning to do:

Every week:
1 book to read
2 (to be finalised)
3 occasion' photos to be fully sorted
4 days to exercise
5 letters to write


Why? Just because scheduling this will hopefully discipline me and pull me away from that stinky thing call 'procrastination'. That i will be forced to prioritise properly. To do what's important, not urgent. My health needs to be restored, thousands(boo, not exaggerating) of photos to sort, knowledge needed to be absorbed... And yeah....

Hopefully things will work out.

Can't believe it's going to be September already.


Other daily things that is harder to have a fix schedule: chores, practice, housecleaning, meeting people, music, family....... Woo! Life with schedules and without.

x
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237/366: clothes

it was a fun day... dealing mostly with clothes.

today i spent most of the day continuing the de-cluttering process of my clothes.. and it's really time-consuming to try on some outfits, & look at the mirror to think whether i still need 'em... but really it's a rewarding process when i feel like i'm letting go of what i don't need anymore, and allowing other people that need/want them to be able to enjoy them!! :D i cleared my clothes months ago, but this time round it's a real clearing deal. now to think whether i should give them all to lessay salvation army or something...? (haven't tried SA before that's why), or should i ask my friends if they want some of the the still-good ones... like formal outfits, t-shirts etc? hmm... suggestions? ideas? stories?

still not done with them clothes, but will be finalising everything hopefully asap hehehe.


spent the night with mummy! quality mummy-daughter time..! went to Summit as she needed to print some photos using negatives! Summit has been revamped and it's stylish nice now!! we went to Salvation bookstore, and hanged around boutiques to kill time.

I tried this dress and it cost RM105 but I didn't get it.

Later my mum and I found real discount deals of other dresses.... And let's just say we're home happy.

Hehe.

Oh btw, convinced my mum to buy a book called "I Want To Talk With My Teen About Money Management"... Hahaha.

Mummy says I'll be a good mother next time but really, I doubt so, because I know how hard it is to stay sane as a mother!
*chuckles*

I talked too much today!!!!! Sorry!!!!

x
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236/366: livestrong

I apologize for the crappy pic quality, hopefully soon I'll be uploading good quality pics again! No longer iPod..

Found this wristband I had since years ago. Can't remember when, and I don't know if "livestrong" has any other meaning.. But to me it's very empowering.

Wearing this for the rest of the week. Hopefully when I'm demotivated... looking at it will encourage me.

Life's a walk, a climb, a fight. Be strong because you have to.

x
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233/366: bookfest

(Monday, 20.08)

Just one of the things I bought today. It's been long since I bought so much stuff. I can't disclose the total damage done!


BUT POPULAR'S BOOK FEST @ KLCC 2012 IS AMAZINGGG

So many books, and books, and stationeries, and stuffs, and CROWD !

nicely organised really.

Great experience for anyone.

I'm so thankful for my cousins who brought me there. And because of my neice, we ate pizza hut for lunch and KFC for dinner... Hahaha.


And you don't want to know the amount of air I passed after I came home...


*cough* TMI *cough*

x
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232/366: dream

it's 1.27am and i should be running freely in dreamland.. but my tummy made empty urges... and i spiced up the weirdest supper combo ever! bak choy, milo, & a banana?!!


yolo...


XD


since last midnight i was dream-catching. every day this year i've been collecting tons of inspirations & had composed dreams (in my mind) during the free time i had.. & finally i'm penning down several small & big dreams that was always at the back of my head.

some are meant to be fulfilled by year end & some in the near & far future.

career-based. fun-based. passion-based ! wee.


one of them hopefully to be executed soon is my main blog.

blogging has inevitably been a part of my life since i was 14. there were years where i updated weekly, others monthly, and maybe even just a few times that year.

so much time, and effort, and joy invested that i can't give up on it. learned and grew. made friends thru blogging. had a friend who went around asking "so my blog is better than tziying's right?"


the blogosphere !


i used to blog about the casual things a teen would blog about, but entering "adulthood" and a sense of "maturity"... i'm now much excited to blog beyond "today... i this, i that" and all. nothing wrong about that, but there is more in my dreams...

determined to be followed up with my dreams.

support?

x
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