Have you ever cried so hard till your heart hurts?

It was my first time experiencing it tonight.
Previously the maximum of physical pain or pressure I've ever felt from crying was to the extend of feeling that my soul has been torn apart, or that my bones were continuously shattering.


But to literally feel that my heart, was hurting to the core of it, or to say being aligned in the same outburst of pain my cry was unleashing......... it was so, awakening.
Awakening to a sense, that I realize I was thinking too much to have reached that emotionally overwhelming stage.
Awakening to a sense, that I could somehow understand, or catch just a glimpse of what it feels like to directly lose someone I've loved with all my heart.
Awakening to a sense, that I came to a conclusion that because of what I felt, the reason I have cried to must be so dang fudging important to me.

Which is true.


I cried tonight because of Lost:

#1. Once upon a time I had a massive dream about music. Along the years I was blurred from the vision I had. Meeting a new piano teacher tonight, I am reminded that my piano playing is rusty. The fact that I've stopped learning Grade 7 in 2008, and leaping to pursue Grade 8 practical exam in 2012 (out of a sudden)....... is a massive leap of faith. I would blame myself over again for losing pieces of my passion for music previously, if not I could have fought hard since the early years to excel in it. I don't ever want to lose music again. I can't. I've already lost ballet. And ice-skating. Which I will find again one day.

 #2. Remembering my grandpa, driving instructor and distant friend who moved on from life on earth... my heart breaks. Additionally, remembering that it took me more than months, or even a year to finally accept the fact that my old dog was lost (partly my fault)........ was excruciatingly hard. The truth is when you lose a friend, a lover, or a family member due to some argument/misunderstanding........... with one phone call or many measures to re conciliate: SETTLED. But when you lose someone to death, and when you lose an animal in real life, by no means, there is no way to settle it....... but just to pray, and to painstakingly leave the lost behind. No, I did not have any argument/misunderstanding with my grandpa, driving instructor, distant friend or my dog.... I just had words/things of appreciation unsaid :')  

To learn to appreciate everyone more in the future.

I'm fine now.
All this makes me a stronger person.
I needed this to be discipline.
& the lesson learned to be carved into my flesh and blood, in order to carry what I lost to be within me, in order to overcome of what's not with me.


x

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Can you see what my dog is doing?

My dog (HappyG) is such a humble creature.

He was just observing the birds out there, without barking at them.

Honestly... when it reaches the day where life separates me and him, I'll seriously cry like no other.

Having experiencing 3 pet dogs in the past...... this dog is the most obedient and likable by everyone.

-

Today marks a great day for my family. A deal was secured, hoho.

x

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Sher & I after Avril's Concert ! :D
photo thanks to her

WOW.

Seriously, I never expect myself to have enjoy Avril Lavigne's concert this much ! The fact that Malaysia was her LAST SHOW of her Black Star Tour, makes it even, even awesome ! :D

Been listening to her since primary, when friends introduced me to her famous singles like My Happy Ending & Complicated ! She sounds so SURREAL live. Will never forget all the awesome songs she performed, like Smile, When You're Gone, I'm With You, Don't Tell Me, Wish You Were Here......... and more !

The part when her band performed Pumped Up Kicks by Foster The People was so cool too, as the last concert I went was Foster's :')

Sher and I were really blessed. We were just hanging in the regular zone, when during encore, the side gate was open, and we managed to run all the way, super close to the stage with other fans who did the same! Amazing moment to see her so up front, listening to her final, last song: Complicated.

Ahhhh... concerts really puts me into such HYPE. God is amazing for blessing me with the free tickets, and for Sher's mum to fetch me to and fro to Stadium Merdeka was so nice too! To think I almost decided not to go, I would definitely regret if I didn't.

Avril has inspired me much, seriously. In my own definitions, I have been upgraded from a mediocre fan to a hardcore fan (haha). 2nd major concert of the year, hopefully more to come! ;3

x

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Super blessed to have won free tickets to watch Avril tomorrow.

It was one of the hardest contests I participated (time-consuming and mind-boggling), and after that it was such a hard moment to find someone to bring me to Solaris Dutamas (have never been there my entire life) to claim it.

My friend, whom I shall call Jojo (hahahahaha), was soooo kind to agree to bring me there.
Despite relying on his Iphone's GPS, we ended up getting lost a bit around KL ! Adventure indeed.
Funniest part was when we reached, he recognized the area and recalled being there a week ago, funny lah !

Blessed day.

x

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Attended a Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) introductory class at First Baptist Church with Sher today.

Quite an eye-opening sight as I saw hundreds of women(mainly middle-aged) gathering together in hopes to learn more about the bible. It's a weekly commitment, with free notes, group discussions... and all. It would be a good exposure for me to join in.


Frankly, not many people understand the need for me to have a gap year. For a simple explanation: before I proceed to University, I wish to invest or dedicate this period of time to what my heart really beats for. I know once I enter into my first year, I won't have that much time to learn what I really want to. Plus... hopefully this gap year will allow me to decide properly upon my future path, besides just entering into a degree for the sake of it.

2012 dedicated on: 

Relationships: With God, family, friends, and my dog.
Interests: Music, photography and art.
Knowledge: Improving English, cooking skills, and bible knowledge.

It's a hard journey as I fight against succumbing to procrastination, and laziness. Please God, shower with me more perseverance and strength.


x

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Spent some time finishing this book today.

Wow, Jodi Picoult's books are really engrossing. Sometimes I figure what inspires her to figure the whole story line as the way the story twists is really unexpected.

But somehow I find after reading 3 of her books (Change Of Heart, Sing You Home and Keeping Faith), they all seem to have common in revolving about Pain, Religion & Law.

That makes it predictable, and to a friend of mine: not captivating for her to read it.

I might be swayed by her opinion, but I think I'll hang around reading some other Picoult's book to finally give up, or to continue indulging in her collection of words.

x

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Happy Valentine's Day ! :D

x

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Preparation for frying bihun for the first time.

Today I concluded that frying bihun (or frying any noodles/rice etc.) is one of the hardest, tiring cooking to do ! In comparison with something else like Spaghetti. Meow.

My youngest brother can say the sweetest thing, like I cook better than my mum and dad, and I should go MasterChef.

Hahaha, he's so cute. I don't think I'll qualify till I'm geared up by age 30 or so ! Aiyo, just learn how to cook healthy and yummy can already lah. Everyone will be happy. Hahaha. I'm so Manglish in my blog post today, and random. I apologize for perkiness.

YIPEE! :D
vday tmrw !

x

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When I'm camera shy, I always cover my face like that, haha.

Had a splendid dinner with a bunch of friends @ Nandos, Sunway.
Shall never forget the funniest moments of jokes, and yummiest moments of food !
Plus how we take advantage of the bottomless Iced Lemon Tea, hehehe.

Something which I don't understand is that every time after a Delicious Meal, I would have an after crave for it.. It's not good it's not good.

I've been craving for Korean food for days, and I had it on Saturday night but I'm still craving for it. & because of yesterday's dinner of yummy 1/4 chicken and side dishes which comprises of Peri Chips and Potato Salad..... I am now craving for Korean food AND Western food at the same time.

The horror when you can't satisfy your food crave :(

x

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