(picture will be uploaded as soon)


tonight has been the most magical night, and if i don't write now, i fear i may forget what i'm feeling this instance, and whatever post after this attempting to describe what i feel now, could not match thence

death cab for cutie's transatlanticism is calming me,
as my fingers knit these
this song will never get old,
it's beauty transcends a thousand pop songs


to sum it all up i feel very blessed because of the small things that happened today
just grateful
through the tiny things that our love ones do
we can actually find blots and blots of care and love, all in disguise

bible study this morning, the hunger for God's word is growing incredibly
the piano tuner came after, i conclude that he's the best tuner i've met
my evening was spent admiring sunset, taking pictures with a simple camera that produced an amazing documentation of the wonderful moment spent
simple, affordable, fantastical thai dinner @ ihadthai, taipan

05072012, this special day was enchanted


& also because reading this just blew me away
the fuel driven to pursue one's passion, simply amazing


i'm so full of inspiration right now
as you've come to the end of this post, i intend to leave you nothing but hope

that if you have a massive dream, go for it
and if you're thinking of ending your life, don't.
never.
until you're meant to


life and everything life has to offer.

i'm ready.

x

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The Chinese words on the picture says "Tomorrow It Will Be Better".

My dad taught me that.

Hayley William's song 'Breathe' has part of a lyric that goes something like this: "Breathe for love tomorrow, for there's no hope for today."



Today was a decent day but weirdly I'm not in the best of mood now. Hence, tomorrow is a great reminder that there will be a brand new 24 hours to appreciate.

Thank God.

x

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right now i'm a jumble:
thoughts
dreams
inspirations
priorities
situations
timing
emotions.

incidents have opened my eyes:
the kind
the dark
differences
love
grace.

friends crushed
friends lifted up
friends that changed
so inevitably

taking baby steps
pushing every fibre
of strength
hope
faith


hello world, i'm on this beautiful broken process towards my destination


hello blog, maybe i won't give up on you just yet

p/s : my camera's sick... hospital soon
pp/s : line camera (app) is awesome

x

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the darkest days won't hurt
because she's past feeling
call it strength
call it pride
ignorance
, anything you like

in the end
everything fades
except the fuel
within her

x

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I bought a new sketchbook !

The above sketch is really messy, but I will improve through time. It's been long since my sketching days. Hmmss.

Today:

1. I finally release the updates of 13 overdue posts! (Yes, finally!) Click -------> 90, 91, 92, 94, 108, 109, 112, 113, 115, 118, 119, 120, 121
2. Really wishing May will be nice to me.
3. Because I had an extremely rough April.
4. But still it was Beautiful.
5. Through the pain.
6. May May be great !
7. Today I experienced the furious side of me. I dislike it at all. It hurts me and the people around me. 
8. But thinking about my loved ones really cheered me on.
9. Especially God.
10. I will work so HARD this month.

Alright, a toast to the amazing May!

x

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I absolutely cannot believe that it's been about 20 days since I last posted here.

Apologies.
The past 20 days has been SO challenging. So much and down moments. & honestly I've  been typing sentences describing how it was....... but I've been backspacing because it's just so hard to find the right words to define everything.

Just to make things easy: these 20 days I've enjoyed, I've suffered. I've got burned, I've learned. & I've endured.

I won't give up on this blog. I will slowly replace some of the older posts ya (some upsetting days I didn't even take pictures, I feel so sad now gahhh).

I'm still grateful for those reading this ay? :') Leave a comment to hola at me.... sprinkle me some dash of hope please :')

-

Today mum drove grandma up from KL so that we can eat dinner with her to celebrate her 82th birthday.

A jumble of things happened today... I don't usually list out everything I do in a day but... here goes:

1. Woke up.
2. Lying on bed, recalling some weird dream involving a special boy and Liam Hemsworth.
3. Getting up, bath, read bible, prayed..
4. Ate breakfast.
5. Hanged around.
6. Warmed up fingers on piano.
7. Went for piano class.
8. Came home, used comp and ended up doing what? I don't remember.
9. Surfing on Instagram.
10. Surfing on Appstore.. downloading weird games.
11. Watching some Chinese television show describing skincare.. facial.. pimples.............
12. I don't remember.
13. Talking to brother.
14. Wait I ate lunch long before of course.
15. Lalalalalala fast forward went to WongKok, one of my favorite eating place to eat!
16. RAINED.
17. LIGHTNING.
18. Cotton candy.
19. Arguments.
20. Make ups.
21. Blogging..
22. Scrolling..

This is honestly the weirdest and time-wasting post you'll ever read ! D:

RUN AWAY AND COME BACK NEXT TIME WHEN I RECOVER FROM.......... WEIRDNESS OF TODAY.

x

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(instagram pic, hehehe)

我不晓得如何解释，可是这短短的两个星期内，我经历了好多考验。

The past two weeks had been a little challenging. I found myself caught in a lot of deep thoughts. About everything; the past, the future, family, friends, music, interests, life, religion...... The good thing is that I'm not emotional but rational about it. Just that psychoanalysing everything is pretty taxing. Overwhelming.

I just want to be comfortable in being just me. The issue arises where at points I don't even know who I am anymore. I thought I've passed this self-identity search period like a long time ago. But I guess I'll just embrace these moments that will eventually allow me to become someone I'm happy being. Happy through the storms and rainbows!

Moments. Watched The Vow tonight. Inspiring. In the process of discovering herself(Paige) again, I find it soooooo touching that Leo eventually didn't force her to be who he would have wanted her to be. It might seem odd but his sacrificing love should deserve an applaud.

My ears are soaking into the perfect melody and harmonisation of The Civil Wars's Poison and Wine. The lyrics is what I call beautiful.

Alright, I will stay strong. Kudos.

明天会更好。

x

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Incredibly gloomy day.

Until I wrote a song, with the above sentence as my first verse' lyric.

Saw this quote in tumblr recently, and was amazed by the truth of it. Currently this few words that screams such meaning is carved into the depths of my mind as a constant reminder.

My song written was a dedication to those struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts/tendencies.

If you are one of them, my heart goes out to you and I hope you NEVER give up in life, because you are truly LOVED, and depression may be recurrent (I poured my heart to research it on my English research project last year), but I concluded that it is CURABLE despite many arguments against it. Don't lose hope, slowly allow yourself to stop thinking so much and you will be set FREE. *hugs*


If I ever record it, I'll definitely credit whoever came up with this quote first.

x

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cleaning + planning

Ahoy mates !

Seems that my March dates are not packed right ?
Nope, I haven't mark my dates finish yet yo.
Most people have been having this preconceived notion that I'm super free because I'm taking a gap year (break from studying: one whole year).

But the truth is, I'm not, really.
Shall not elaborate, but let's just say March is the beginning of the busy months I am about to venture in !

Have 2 surprise creative projects to work on this month :D
Y'all shall see it when it's done, hehehe.

& 3 other areas to focus on this month, pressure is slowly caving in, but I will march through this March !!!! Hallelujah !

-

Spent 4 hours cleaning the ceiling, the fan, the floor, the bed of my room.
I killed 2 spiders, I tell you....... if not for the cobwebs they built parading the four corners of my ceiling, I will do them no harm. But, le sighhhhhhhhhh. I don't like to be involved in killings of insects..

Anyway,
March march march ! :D

x

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Attended a Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) introductory class at First Baptist Church with Sher today.

Quite an eye-opening sight as I saw hundreds of women(mainly middle-aged) gathering together in hopes to learn more about the bible. It's a weekly commitment, with free notes, group discussions... and all. It would be a good exposure for me to join in.


Frankly, not many people understand the need for me to have a gap year. For a simple explanation: before I proceed to University, I wish to invest or dedicate this period of time to what my heart really beats for. I know once I enter into my first year, I won't have that much time to learn what I really want to. Plus... hopefully this gap year will allow me to decide properly upon my future path, besides just entering into a degree for the sake of it.

2012 dedicated on: 

Relationships: With God, family, friends, and my dog.
Interests: Music, photography and art.
Knowledge: Improving English, cooking skills, and bible knowledge.

It's a hard journey as I fight against succumbing to procrastination, and laziness. Please God, shower with me more perseverance and strength.


x

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Had a splendid lunch with my grandma, aunt and family @ Dragon-I, Pavilion.

I think I spent more moments taking picture of the food than actually eating it, like always.

-

Before lunch, I found out a terrible news that shook my whole being up. Few days ago I texted my former driving instructor a simple Chinese New Year greeting. There was no reply hence I thought he was busy.

While just roaming in Pavilion his wife called me and asked who I am... and never ever did I expected her to be delivering me the news of him passing away 3 months ago, due to heart attack.

Honestly, he was one of the best adults I've ever met in my life. Down to earth, hardworking, and funny. I never had a chance to thank him personally / go yumcha with him (as I've always joked to do so with him).... etc. etc. I cried, literally. I missed him.

Some people might not understand me being emotionally shaken up by this.. but for the past 19 years in my life I never had to deal with the death of a loved one / people I personally know up until last year, 2010. First my grandpa, then my old friend, and now my driving instructor. All came like a whirlwind.

3 amazing guys. I will have to write a song about death because there should me more songs about it, and I need to dedicate that song to these 3 people.

x

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Spent 2 hours cutting the stem, and removing the stems of the above called "ngaku" in Cantonese.

While working on it I was watching Titanic with my youngest brother.

This movie never ever fails to make me tear up at almost every scene at the end, always leaving me a feeling that I have to appreciate everyone in my life so much more, because I am blessed. And so are you!

Also, to never despise anyone poorer or richer than I am.

x

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The above depicts what my day was like.

The girl is me: on one hand I hold a broken heart of my close friends', and on the other I hold a question mark as I don't know what in the world the heart breaker intentions' is. Whatever his intention is, I so don't agree.

My legs are quavering upon the shaking sea, as I stumble back and forth between the harsh realities of life.
Still, the bright sun shines upon me; reminding me that light overpowers the darkness, forever.


The small icons are what I've seen through my eyes today:

1. A close friend of mine whom got her heart so broken, by someone I used to respect with all my heart. Now I don't even want to look at him anymore.
2. A sinking friendship that I tried to save, but I can't anymore.
3. Life is fragile. Visiting a sick patient in the hospital today remind me of my late grandfather who moved on from life due to a stroke last year. I cried.
4. I can't stand a love of half the heart which is bigger, and the other smaller. It's just weird. I need to learn how to accept.
5. If you see closely, you can see a "cross" in the background.
   Despite everything that happens, I'm still comforted by Jesus who never fails me. A university offer from Sydney U came today, and I'm really soooo happy about it.
   Plus I am grateful today for Paul who talked to me through the day, and Sam who sat a bus with me back from Pyramid. Grateful till after death.

x

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[excerpt from the past] 

" How do you forget someone that gave you so much to remember....? "

"You just can't. You can let go but you can never forget. "

[current excerpt] 

" How do you forgive someone dear to your heart, and how do you forgive yourself......? " 

"You just have to."

Dwelling or sinking in emotions is the last thing I need now.
First moment of not being happy in 2012, today.

The quote in the picture, "You've got to put the past behind you before you can move on" helped me so much when I picked it up last year from a basket of similar hopeful quotes, intending to pour hopes to people who picked it up! Organised by Welfare and Counselling Department of my college.

I suppose, there is a time to float, and there is also a time to sink.
And so happens, my time to sink is this day.

x

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